Growing up, I recall being told that the white wedding dress worn by the bride on her wedding day was a symbol of purity (though it appears this was not always the case. A virgin bride was to wear white, and those who were not, were to wear something else. I also remember the judgment that came with this idea: “I can’t believe she is wearing white,” would be a typical statement directed at a bride perceived as less than pure.
I was influenced by this paradigm. I began to judge the brides based on what I knew of them and I began to consider them dishonest if they wore white on their wedding day.
Virginity
This coupled with my convictions on virginity. When I was an adolescent, I benefited from a wonderful Sunday School teaching on the value of chastity. I committed to myself to maintain this until marriage and desired for the reciprocal maintaining from my future spouse. Further, I remember having many conversations with like-minded friends, where we all desired to only marry a virgin, considering ourselves both super-virtuous and somehow worthy.
Without denigrating the seriousness of sexual purity, I wonder if we place too much of an emphasis on virginity as Christians. While maintaining initial sexual purity is Godly and honoring to Him, I think it can become an issue of self-righteousness and potentially self-loathing (especially when we consider that none of us are actually pure, as true purity goes beyond a simple physical act (Matthew 5:27-30)).
If we place so much emphasis on our sexual purity, we are likely not honoring God, but heaping honor on ourselves… or hoping others honor us. And if we hold such an all-or-nothing view, we can lead those who stumble to see themselves as failures and to continue in sexual impurity based on their self-loathing for their fall.
But most importantly, I believe an overemphasis misses the point of the Gospel.
Please don’t misunderstand me; God calls us to holiness, and sexual purity is what He calls us to and should be what we desire. But we also need to look to the good news of Jesus Christ for how we handle the instance of sexual impurity in others.
When we look at Ephesians 5, we see symbolic language for Christ’s relationship with the church, where Paul says,
25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
We need to remember that we, as Christians, are not righteous on our own. We were by no means pure. Instead, Christ marries us anyway. We see this in Revelation 21:
1”Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth… 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God…
5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.“
Jesus is making all things new.
That is what this is all about. We are not holy on our own, but He makes us new. This is redemption… bought by Christ’s redeeming love. He takes our wretched, sinful, disgusting, chaotic condition and breathes new life into us and takes us as a bride for Himself.
He redeems us from our adultery against Him… our sexual immorality of our pasts. How can we not treat those who stumble in this life in a like manner?
I have come to see that two repentant people who love Jesus and pledge their faithfulness and fidelity to one another at a wedding ceremony are a picture of this redemption, of this scene in Revelation. Who cares what they did before that day. It undoubtedly could have far-reaching consequences, but in terms of purity, Christ has redeemed them from where they once were to where they now are.
The picture in Ephesians 5 of the pure spotless bride tells me that Christ would want our brides to wear white.
The bride should wear white.
Check out this wonderful video clip of Matt Chandler discussing God’s redemption over sexual impurity.
In ancient times, the true colour of chastity and purity was never white – it as light blue. So, logically, I suppose it’s okay for a non-virgin bride to wear white.
On another note, according to the Bible, non-virgins can’t have a valid marriage, and non-virgin women should be put to death.
Way too much value is placed on virginity. Virginity truly has no necessary correlation with how ‘good’ a person is. People should not be judged by their virginity or lack thereof. An exceptional, altruistic, good-hearted non-virgin is much more admirable or ‘pure’ in my eyes than a virgin who might be dishonest, mean and selfish.
And I say this as a virgin…One with absolutely no religious motivation whatsoever.